I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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