My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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