I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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