i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize