God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
