Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize