just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
