It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
