Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
