Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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