Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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