dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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