We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Randomize
