Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
