I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
