I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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