That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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