I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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