Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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