Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
