this beer tastes like vomit already
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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