At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
