So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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