we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
