you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
