Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
