All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
