Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it's like iHOP with fire
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
