Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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