I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
