after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
