a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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