It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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