Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
