my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
