I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
