Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
