i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the liver wants what the liver wants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
