I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
