im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
