I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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