You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
