And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dicks are not precious.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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