Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
