This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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