there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
