I think my vagina is haunted
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
