i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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