Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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