dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
