I smell stomach acid.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
