At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
