i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
