he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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