you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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