ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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