I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
