Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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