I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
