He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
