I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you traded sex for a burrito?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
