didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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